This summer has probably been one of the most emotionally draining seasons for me yet. My self-worth is not where it should be.
I have been much harder on myself than necessary. I am constantly pointing out my own flaws. I am so conscious of everything I am doing wrong. I have allowed ideas to be put into my mind that I am not everything some people need me to be. In fact, compared to what my mind has told me they expect and deserve, I am far below that bar.
I am one that does her own thing. I push myself. I love to be bold and I will own having a big personality. That's the me that I know is still in there.
I know my worth is so much greater than how I have been feeling. I know that my feelings have been due to these ideas that my mind has created. It takes the information I know surrounding a situation and fills in the gaps with thoughts about myself that I would find hurtful if true. This is the main cause of my self- worth deteriorating.
The fact that I know what is causing these feelings and doubts about myself is huge. The fact that I know that this is not how I should feel about myself is huge. The fact that I know that the way I see myself is not the way Jesus sees me is HUGE.
I am human. I have feelings. This is how I have been feeling. Because we live in a world full of sin, our minds aren't only filled with the pure thoughts of Jesus. The devil definitely plays a role in the way we view ourselves. How we think about ourselves.
In order to fight these feelings and attacks towards my self worth, I have to constantly remind myself that I am human.
I am going to make mistakes.
Life is not as perfect as others make it out to be.
I was created for a reason.
Before I was born, Jesus set me apart. And He makes no mistakes.
If that is not a sharp enough weapon to defend yourself against those hurtful thoughts, I don't know what is.
I'm not saying you will always feel like a million bucks. Because you won't. Every single day is a battle against the devil. I'm just choosing not to give in. Every day is not win. But every day I put up a fight. And I will continue to choose to fight.
In conclusion, I am okay. I am still me. I am fighting my battles. And that is okay. As long as I am fighting. So you don't have to worry about that!
I still find joy. I still feel loved. I just wanted to be open, honest, and real in case someone else needs me to be.
I love you guys! Feel free to follow me on Instagram or subscribe to the blog to know when new posts come out. @ansley.brennan
Xx, Ansley B
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