Even In The Hurt

We all hurt. We all have to experience pain. We all have different ways of coping with it.

I have a lot on my mind as I am typing this blog post. Given the title, I am not exactly "winning" at life right now. Don't get me wrong though. I definitely will be okay. No need to worry!

We all have times where life is very trying and not as easy as social media seems to portray it to be. That is why I try to be as transparent with you all as much as I possibly can. It is okay to have feelings. It is okay to not be okay ALL the time.

I am the type of person who just wants space from everyone and everything when I am trying to cope with what is going on with me. However, tonight I was feeling very lonely and could not sleep.

So what do I do? I put on my favorite worship songs and allowed myself to feel God's presence (in case you were wondering, my top three at the moment are "King Of My Heart" by Bethel Music, "So Will I" by Hillsong, and "There Is A Cloud" by Elevation Worship). These songs got me to thinking about how we are never alone. He is ALWAYS there and ALWAYS good.

Even in the midst of the pain, I can take comfort in knowing that I am cared for and sought after. I am never alone and I never have to feel alone. He knows when I am in pain. It hurts His heart to see me in pain. And this goes for everyone. He cares SO much for us. He never wishes pain on us. He is for us. Not against us.

If you can take comfort in knowing all that, then this should really drive the point in this blog post home. He has a plan for us. He is all-knowing. Because of this, I know that my pain is temporary and what may hurt now is all part of a greater plan. Greater than me. Greater than you. Because He designed me. He designed you. And He is good. ALWAYS.

The girls who turned their backs on me in the past. He allowed that to happen because He was taking me to a place and in a direction they were not allowed to go.

My grandmother was taken from me suddenly. He allowed that to happen for many reasons. One of which was a whole family coming to know Him through her testimony.

My junior year of high school, He allowed me to go through a rough depression. Because He allowed me to go through that, I met someone who would forever change my life. I matured way faster than most people my age. I learned the tough lessons at an early age. And I have been able to help others who are going through what I went through.

Obviously pain is not a fun thing to feel. It really hurts. BUT I wouldn't trade a single painful moment because in the end, there was a plan. A path mapped out for me. And let me tell ya-- so far, He has not disappointed. If He allowed me to go down my own path, I would be playing MUCH smaller than I do now.

I am so thankful for the pain. It has molded me into the woman I am today.

I am thankful for His faithfulness. He has never let me down and He has never disappointed.

So, yes. I will be okay. In fact, in the end, I will be more than okay.

Now let me ask you this. Are you dwelling in the pain and playing it small? Or are you trusting His faithfulness? Even in the hurt?

Thanks for letting me share. This has been very therapeutic.

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Xx, Ansley B